A Promise Fulfilled....

I cannot believe that it is already February.  It is amazing to think were we were this time last year.  In a couple weeks we would be going to the hospital to treat Caleb.  To say it was a difficult time for us is an understatement.  It was hard to look to our future.  It was hard to know how to dream.

And I can't help but think back to one time in particular last January.  We had just brought Caleb to a specialist, who had run a ridiculous amount of tests, only to come up with what seemed more questions.  And he put Caleb on an insane amount of medication.  He said that he had only prescribed that many a couple times in his entire career.  So there were the immediate concerns of how bad this could actually get...nobody really knew, since nobody really knew what was going on.  Every time we thought it couldn't get worse, somehow it did.  There were financial concerns, insurance concerns.  There were the concerns for permanent damage and even the scary thought that this could take Caleb's life.

But there was also a quiet concern that Caleb and I both had, which we spoke of from time to time.  That was the concern that we would never be able to have children.  You see, since we first got married a couple years before that, we knew we wanted a family.  We struggled our first year with him going on medication that would mean we couldn't try to have children.  So when we finally took him off those meds when he got better, we were hopeful.  We got so excited.  But literally the day after the doctors gave us the "okay" to try to have a baby, Caleb flared up in what would be the scary downward spiral that he experienced last year.  Our dreams felt shattered.

And so that day, last January, when the doctor told us they still didn't have answers, and he still seemed to be getting worse and worse, I went for a run.  I wanted to clear my heart and mind.  I put some worship music on and ran.  And cried.  And told God I didn't know what to do.  I didn't know how to feel.  And I didn't know how my reaction to all this should be because I felt hopeless, when I knew I should trust God.  So I started to ask Him questions.

I remember specifically asking Him to please clear the fog of confusion of what was going on in Caleb's body and to heal Him.

And then I stopped running and started walking.  (I was on an indoor track that went around basketball courts below me.)

Then next thing I asked, I told him I was scared to ask Him.  But I did anyways.  I asked Him if one day we would be able to have a baby.  As I was asking Him this and telling Him I don't know what it would look like for Him to give me an answer, but I needed hope, something happened that made me smile, laugh, and cry all at the same time.  There was a kids class below me that I hadn't known was there because they were tucked away out of my view.  And literally as I am talking to Him about this, a little girl runs out to the middle of the court and looks up at me and started smiling really big and started waving frantically at me.  The next thing you know, the entire class was there waving at me that the entire class stopped what they were doing to join.  I waved back and smiled through tears.  I think I just kept saying, "wow, God, wow.  Thank you!  I am taking that is from you...."

I told Caleb right away, and only spoke of it to a couple people in the days that followed.  But I had thought back to that time multiple times in the days ahead.  It just seemed like a far off dream.  And I told God that I didn't want to doubt Him and I wanted to trust Him that it was an answer from Him and not just coincidence.

Well, I can't help but continue to thank Him today as we are getting ready for the arrival of our daughter.  One year later.  In fact, if she is even a week early, it will be over the one year "anniversary" of Caleb's hospitalization last year.  What a difference!  This year's hospital visit will be vastly different than last year.

So really there aren't many words to express my deep thankfulness to God.  He has shown us a huge amount of love and compassion and generosity.  He has been so very good to us.

I can't wait to meet my daughter.  Maybe she will have curly hair like the little girl that ran out on the basketball court....

Fundraiser for Weights

Caleb is the head strength and conditioning coach at the high school of the school district he works for.  They have recently been working on building and growing the weight room.  And considering how big of a group is now coming out everyday for training, they have been in need of multiple additional sets of dumbbells.  One was donated through a local corrections facility.  And then today, Caleb brought a handful of the guys (who also played football for him this last fall) out for a fundraiser.  After a morning of racking up tons of leaves, pine cones, cleaning up moss on sidewalks, etc., they have probably earned enough money for half of another full set.  Even though it was a bunch of work, and they built up a good appetite, they did a great job!  And they just left to go get some Chipotle.  I think they had a good time doing it.  What a good group of guys!  Hopefully all this hard work will pay off even more when they go into football season again next year, bigger and stronger.  In the meantime, they are having fun and working hard.....

Baby Shower Pictures

I am finally getting around to posting pictures from the amazing shower that was thrown for me not too long ago.  It was such a fun time!  And it meant so much to me to see so many people, who I love so dearly, come together to celebrate with me.  I know that my little girl will be loved very much, by many friends and family.  And for that, I am beyond thankful.  What an amazing group of women!  I hope that my girl can soak up all the love, kindness, and wisdom she can from these ladies.  I sure know I have tried to over the years.

It is hard to capture the detail of how perfect the day was.  Pam, Barbara, Nicole, and Sheila spent so much time, energy, resources, and love preparing for the day (along with the help of Crystal for some hanging flowers and banners, and Stephanie for the beyond amazing cake!).  The theme was the colors of the nursery...coral, navy, and teal.  The moment I walked in, I was in awe!

I cannot express how fun it was seeing so many people I love together, all in the same place.  I wish I could have sat down with each person for hours!  Maybe that just means everybody needs to make plans to come over and meet our little girl in the months ahead when we can really visit.

I feel so blessed by all the gifts people got me as well.  I cannot wait to have our baby girl in our arms so we can finally use all these things!  I am humbled by people's generosity to me and my little family again and again.  And this shower has proven that true one more time.

As I have mentioned in a previous post, they read a letter that Caleb had written our daughter.  It was such a highlight of the day.  I love him, and know he will be the best daddy for our little one.  Also, Pam had some cards made up that were called "Dear Baby."  She handed them out to everybody as I opened gifts.  On the cards they wrote fill-in-the-blanks to things such as, "I hope you learn....", "I hope you never forget....", "I hope you aren't afraid....", "I hope you grow...".  I am so excited to save these for her so she can read them in the years to come.  As I mentioned, the house was full of truly amazing women and I hope that she can glean all she can from them.

And finally, near the end of the day, we cut the cake.  Which is kind of sad because it was so adorable! I have a feeling our girl will have a sweet tooth despite my best efforts to get her to like her fruits and veggies.  If she is anything like her mama that is.  haha!

And the ladies even had "thank you's" to hand out as people left.  In honor of me being "ready to pop," they handed out bags of popcorn.  So cute!

I know that I am going to look back at these days when I was pregnant, and as tired and uncomfortable I have been at times, I am going to smile knowing I have been blessed.  It is times like these that I am in awe of all that has happened in my life and all that is in store as well.  I have many around me who I love so much, and who also love me.  But now we just need Baby Girl to come join the party!!! :)

A Day of Sewing for Baby Girl

Today my friend Crystal and I finally got back to finishing the glider and ottoman.  And I am so pleased to say that we are finished!  Although I absolutely needed her help with this project, because she is the pro at reupholstering things, it was actually a fairly easy project!  This means that we have a place to rock our sweet little girl when she arrives in a matter of weeks.  I can't wait to hold her and snuggle her.  Here is a picture of the final project, although it looks more pink than coral with the lighting from the picture.  The colors of her room are coral, navy, and accents of teal.  I am in love with it.

When Crystal left, I went to work to make a blanket (after making some chocolate chip cookies!) for our little girl with the left over fabric, and some other flannel cloth that I got.  I am pleased with the end result of this too, and it only took about an hour.  This picture shows more of the coral color.  It is sooooo soft and cozy! I just want her here!!

What a fun day....I just love sewing!  So now I have to quick clean up my house after the mess I have made with cloth and scraps and thread all over the place before Caleb gets home.  And oops....I never got around to making him dinner!!

2 Timothy 1:5

My friend from college, Kristi, and I have been emailing over the last couple of months.  As I have been planning Baby Girl's room, I have bounced many ideas off of her.  It has been so much fun reconnecting and dreaming with her!

A month or so ago, she came up with an idea.  You see, her sister, Aimee, has an Etsy shop where she sells some of her creative pieces of work.  And so Kristi asked me if I felt I had any special verse that would have meaning for our little one.  She had the idea that her sister make a canvas wall hanging with the verse on it.  I loved the idea! So she and Aimee talked and discussed and planned.   And today it came in the mail and I couldn't me more thrilled!!!

My idea for a verse was a spin off of 2 Timothy 1:5.  It reads:

"I am reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also."

I think this verse means so much to me now, as I have my own little girl....and think back to the legacy of faith that her great grandmother, Ruth, and grandmother, Janis, instilled in me.  Their lives were undoubtedly characterized by faith and love for Jesus.  They were the ones who taught me how to love Him myself.  So, since Mom, Janis, and her mom, Ruth, are already gone and with Jesus, it is my one goal, desire, ambition, to teach and demonstrate to my own little girl the same things they taught me.

That being said, the canvas that was made says:

"I am reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your great grandmother Ruth, and in your grandmother Janis, and in your mother Julie, and I am persuaded now lives in you also."

It is my hope that one day this will be proven true.  If so, then I did a good job in my role as a mom.  With Jesus' help.....

Baby Girl's First Letter From Daddy

I just got home from such a beautiful baby shower.  I feel, oh, so incredibly LOVED and BLESSED.  I will post pictures when I get them, but for now I don't have any.  I decided to go and just let those around me take the photos, so I could visit and enjoy the day as much as I could.  But let me just tell you that it was the most detailed and special and beautiful shower ever!  My friends Pam, Nicole, Barbara, and Sheila put it on for me, along with the help from Stephanie and Crystal.  It was a huge undertaking, which they created the perfect day for me.  Thank you to all who came!  My heart is full of thankfulness.  Not only have you blessed us with your love, support, prayers, and blessings....but, wow, we are feeling set with the practicals too!  What generosity!  And, again, I cannot wait to post pictures!

But I wanted to at least post the letter that was read, that Caleb wrote to our little girl.  It is so Caleb...a mix of tenderness and humor.  I love him.  And I love the way he loves her already.  Oh, it is only a short time til we meet her...and we are counting down the days.


Dear Firstborn daughter from the family of Barnes,

"I am your father" (Darth Vader Voice).  As your earthly father, the Good Lord has entrusted me to protect and provide for you during the first part of  your life, which has already begun.  I will tell you right now that, as you grow up in the world we live in now, you are safe because your daddy will take care of you.  I will neutralize any threat that poses a danger to you as long as Jesus gives me the strength to do so.  

I am so excited to see you face to face, and whether you take after your mother or me, you will be beautiful.  The odds are, you will have dark hair and blue eyes and be athletic and smart.  I am already preparing to scare off boys who think you're pretty.  Don't worry though little girl, I'll only scare off boys that aren't good enough.

As we anxiously await your arrival your mother and I often daydream about the girl you will be and the woman you will become.  You are very blessed because your mom is the wisest and most caring person I know.  She loves the Lord more than anyone, as do I, and together we will introduce you to HIM.  You will grow up in a family with limited earning potential and worldly wealth; however, our family will be rich in love.  We will teach you how to live in a way that pleases God.  Your mother and I have already been blessed by your life.  These last quiet days before your birth are now more precious than they would've been otherwise.  Please don't cry when I hold you, it might hurt my feelings.

As we daydream about your personality, your mom thinks that you will take after me and be a little reckless and somewhat of a risk taker.  If you are that's ok because I'll be looking out for you.  I think that you will take after your mom and be very smart and kind.  We will love you no matter what your strengths and weaknesses are.  It would be nice if you liked to play tennis though, because your dad is pretty good and needs a little competition.  No offense Julie. 

Here's the deal, the Barnes' are fun.  You will grown up having a good time.  We have been saved by grace through faith in Jesus and because of this fact we live in freedom and we are free indeed.  We are not stuffy, or self righteous, or slaves to anything or anyone except Christ.  Because of this we typically always enjoy ourselves in spite of our circumstance, and we will show you how too.  Be ready to come into this world knowing that fun and games are in your future.  Your dad never gets tired of playing games, or singing.  I will teach you how to sing with a southern twang.  It's in your blood.  Your mom actually is not a fan of when I do those kinds of voices but that's what makes it so funny.  I also love to watch animated movies but I have been waiting for you to get here so we can cuddle on the couch and eat banana chips together.

And in closing I want to stress the most important thing to you.  The fact that you are coming into this world means that God has a purpose for you.  You may not know what that is for a while and your mom and I may not know either, but God knows.  Follow Him all the days of your life.  I pray now that God gives your mother and me the wisdom to raise you in a way that glorifies Him.  I pray that you come into this world loving God and that your love grows every day.  We already love you so much and are so thankful to God for blessing us with you.  See you in a few weeks.

Love, Dad

32 weeks and counting....

Last Monday marked my 32nd week pregnant....meaning I am 8 months along!

This means I am now pushing through the end of my pregnancy and all that comes with that.  In fact, it is now 5am and I have been up since before 2:30.  I had laid in bed for an hour before deciding to just get up and read a bit.  I thought it would make me sleepy to go back to bed...but doesn't look like that will happen before I want to be up to get Caleb to work.  So I just made peanut butter toast (that and Eggo waffles have tasted really good to me lately) and have done some reading to get caught up on my book club book again.

One exciting thing is that we think we may have really come up with a name for our little girl this time (finally!).  I had suggested it to him and was shocked that he liked it because it didn't fit his usual style of name that he likes.  But he seems beyond sold on it it!  We are going to keep it on the down low, however, until she is born.  And we will be going in with about 4 names to chose from, just in case.  But he keeps saying we don't need the others, that this is it.  It makes me excited! I didn't know if we would ever come up with one that we were both sold on this much!

In the meantime, I am counting down the days until we get to meet her.  And, at that point, I will have a little sidekick for these sleepless nights!....