Lesson of the Day (Actually, of my life!! haha!)

So, this will not come as a shock to anybody that has known me throughtout the years.  I like to plan.  I don't like suprises.  And I do everything I can to prevent bad things from happening, take precautious measures you might say.  The problem has come when I take these qualities of myself, which can actually be good things, a little too extreme...to the point of worry and striving. 

When I was single, I used that as an excuse.  I would explain and reason my striving away by saying that I needed to be in as much control as possible.  I mean, if anything happened to my finances, health, car, work, etc., I didn't have anybody there to catch me.  I had to take care of myself.  So I did everything in my means to prevent these things from happening.  That can actually be a wise thing.  But I took it too far...I took it to the point of worrying if I didn't have enough "cushion."  My life was terrific, but I could still find something to stress about.  I took that responsible attitude way too far...to the point of striving to be in control.  And in reality, control is really just an illusion.

I realized this year...well, that sadly I have strived way too much.  But I have found that, when you feel completely out of control, as I have this year at times, striving does absolutely ZERO to improve the situation.

Again, no shocker, I know.  But somehow it has hit home a lot more for me recently. 

I have been excited when those closest to me have said that they see a ton of improvement in this area of my life.  I have to say it was not my own doing...rather, God pretty much allowed me to come to an end of myself, when I didn't have control, to teach me.  I had absoluty zero control, came to an end of myself, and guess what...God came through, and I was totally fine.  The things I stressed so much about preventing from happening actually did happen.  And I am okay.  :)

He taught me that I can trust Him to take care of me.

He taught me that He is "I AM"..He is in the present moment, with me, near.  As a friend of mine, Jan, explained to me not long ago, we stress when we think back to our pasts...it can fill us with sorrow or worry of the future.  We stress when we look into the future...that is so uncertain and unknown.  But God is in the moment today, and when we look at our lives for today in this moment, we are okay.  And that is what matters.  He needs to be our focus each moment.

He taught me that I can have complete faith in Him.

Because I have concluded that life is just one big learning lesson, I want to make sure I don't forget these things!  And as the opportunity comes up to "strive" to "control" again, I pray I will resist that temptation, and instead choose to be at peace in faith.

After I had been processing these thoughts for a while, I ran into a quote from a book that has made a huge impact on my life over the years.  It speaks almost exactly when I have been saying recently.  I want to share an little portion from it.  The book is called "True Discipleship" by William MacDonald.  I highly recommend it...it is really straight to the point, and a quick read.  When speaking on faith William MacDonald writes,

"Faith is opposed to sight.  Paul reminded us that 'we walk by faith and not by sight' (2 Corinthians 5:7).  To walk by sight means to have visible means of support, to have adequate reserves for the future, to employ human cleverness in insuring against unseen risks.  The walk of faith is the very opposite; it is a moment by moment reliance on God alone.  It is a perpetual crisis of dependence on the Lord.  The flesh shrinks from a position of complete dependence on an unseen God.  It seeks to provide a cushion again possible losses. If it cannot see where it is going, it is apt to suffer complete nervous collapse.  But faith steps forward in obedience to the Word of God, rises above circumstances, and trusts the Lord for the supply of all needs.  

Any disciple who determines to walk by faith can be sure his faith will be tested.  Sooner or later, he will be brought to an end of his human resources."

So when all is said and done, I know God knows my future.  And He is my constant companion.  He knows what is ahead, and is preparing me for it now.  But for today, my deep desire is to stop striving and know that He is God. (Psalm 46:10)

Photo Session with Heather Hurt

I have known Heather for years.  Over 15 years ago, her sister Blair and my sister Janelle were inseparable.  And for the last 8 years or so, she has been my client and, most importantly, friend. As she is starting her new photography business, she graciously asked Caleb and I if we would be her models for an afternoon.  Of course, we said "YES please!" :)

I knew exactly where we would want them taken.  So we picked her up, and drove out the the Columbia River Gorge, near Dad's house.  We first stopped at Beacon Rock.  The upper picnic area is literally one of my favorite places I have ever been in my life.  The view of the rock is so incredibly majestic.  I love it so much, that the second time I ever hung out with Caleb, that is where we and couple friends went for a hike.  Little did I know then that I would marry that man one day! After that, when it was a little closer to sunset, we headed towards Thunder Island.  I absolutely love this area of the Gorge too.  Last fall, literally a week or so before his flare-up, Caleb and I had been in this area and played chess outside as we ate hamburgers.  Good, good memories.  Plus, these places are simply the perfect backdrop for any photo shoot!

All this being said, we are so thankful for Heather and her willingness and generosity!  Here is a glimpse of what she captured....

My Black Thumb. And Some Good News.

Throughout our quest to get Caleb's body healthy, I have developed a deeper love for healthy, unprocessed, raw fruits and vegetables.  God really is a great cook.  :)  However, I have decided He probably doesn't want my help too much.  Let me explain...

One day, Caleb was at work and this elderly lady mentioned she had some tomatoes she was growing.  The next thing you know, Caleb had four tomato starters for me to begin the garden of my dreams.  I had great aspirations going into this Spring, of me growing our fruits and veggies.  After all, I have been on a quest to add as many fruits and vegetables into our diet as possible.  It would be fun for me, relaxing, and save money! Brilliant idea....or so I thought. 

Here is a picture of the tomatoes the day they were brought home.  How sweet and thoughtful of my amazing husband....



And then, there is this.  It is a picture of the same tomatoes, taken this morning...



I killed the tomatoes!!!  :(  I watered them, I put them in the direct sunlight (when it was actually sunny).  I thought I did what I was supposed to.  Apparently not.  They never grew bigger.  One grew two extra leaves, and then stopped.  Simultaneously, the other three lost leaves.  And then, they went black.

Now, Caleb thinks he will be able to bring them to life again.  I am not holding my breath.  If he does, well, then that will make for a different blog.  At this point, I am saying "goodbye" to the idea of being a gardener....for this year at least.  :)

This has not deterred me from consuming our healthy produce, however! :)  I have continued to make Caleb a huge salad, about five times a week.  And we make smoothies with spinach, frozen berries, and a itty bit of raw honey, also about five times a week.  Here are some of our meals/snacks we have had...

Salmon with a hearty, protein-filled, salad

Ahi tuna steaks, with salad and corn on the cob

Spinach, pineapple, strawberry, mango smoothie

Then, a few times a week, I throw in a meal that is "heartier" and less healthy...

Blue corn tortillas, chicken, and dairy-free cheese...yummmm!

And so now for the exciting news....it is working!  Caleb is getting healthier...and as of June 15th, he has been off of the cancer drug! YAY!!!!

We are still super dependent on God to continue to heal him, and are praying that he doesn't flare-up again, now that he is off of all meds.  Please pray with us!  We appreciate more than we could ever express!

All to say, it feels sooooo good not to have the constant stress lingering over us, wondering if Caleb will be able to walk again tomorrow.  Or the fear of just knowing that in the morning a totally different joint could flare, and he would lose function of it for months.  Awww...my heart and mind are at peace.  And Caleb's spirits are high.  When he started back at the gym, he began with only 10 lbs.  (Where last year he left off at 100...)  After adding only 5 lbs a week, he is now using 50 lbs...halfway home! :)  Even a month ago, he had to be careful how he pivoted on his knee to get in his truck, knowing even that little movement could cause a flare-up. What an improvement!

All to say, we will keep on keeping on...doing the same thing we have been doing, just without the Methotrexate! :)  We will continue to pray, I will continue to prepare healthy foods (farmer's market's here I come!), and we plan to just enjoy our summer.  We feel like we are actually able to be newlyweds again! :) 

We never forget to thank God for our health, every single night, as we pray together.  He has truly been good to us.

Our First Tree

It was just over a year ago, when my friend Sheila would deliver her wedding gift to us.  I have to say that it was one of the most thoughtful, and meaningful, gifts that I have ever recieved.  And little did Caleb and I know then how impactful it would be in the year ahead.

You see, before we got married, Sheila prayed and asked God for a verse that would be our theme verse for our marriage.  Through a random series of events, she felt led to give us the verse found in Jeremiah 17:8. 

"They will be like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water.  Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought.  Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit." 

It wasn't until months later, that this made more sense to me.  

I have already expanded upon our story many times, of how hard our marriage has been health-wise (and therefore financially too) our first year of marriage.  Each week, for many months, seemed to get worse and worse.  The low point was the week of Christmas.  Caleb has a couple hundred cc units drained from his knee, the flare-ups went to his toes and looked like they were breaking them from within...and I had my surgery.  It must have been quite the sight to look at us at my follow-up appointments..me with a tube sticking out of my throat, bandages, totally swollen, and bruised...pushing Caleb in a wheelchair. 

Those were the times when I looked at that verse and had to choose faith.  It was during those heated times, when it felt like it was a prolonged stretch of drought, that we needed to keep on keeping on.  We needed to choose to believe God would get us through, and to keep reaching towards God to keep us alive and thriving. 

Then January came.  We had no clue going into it that this month would be any different.  In fact, I was trying to emotionally and mentally come to terms with whether or not I would be the one to provide for us if Caleb continued to go downhill as it looked like he may.  We had no clue.

It was the first weekend in January that, following our church service, that our church family circled around us and prayed for us.  Since that day, Caleb has not had a single flare-up.

Now, we didn't know that was the case that Sunday.  In fact, we walked away and I was probably more fearful to hope in that, to be honest.  I didn't want to be disappointed. 

Later that week, since he had so much trouble walking, he tripped over his pant leg and twisted his knee.  In the months past, if he just took a centimeter of a wrong move with each step he could flare.  So, twisting his knee should have put him out.

I will never forget that day.  I was home for the first day by myself since my surgery.  When he told me what happened I literally felt my stomach sink.  The feeling was literally physical.  But I turned on worship music and prayed.  A couple hours later, I would call Caleb and tell him that I didn't think he would flare.  Which if you know how concerned I can get is a miracle in itself.  I told him I felt like God was giving me assurance, for the first time in months, that he would be okay.  And guess what?!  He was!

Because of the prayers earlier that week, and the doctor changing his meds temporarily (which is a way of God answering prayer using medicine), Caleb didn't flare!  It was a miracle!

He got home, and as we thanked God, I told Caleb what I had been asking God all day.  I had been telling God I wanted to build and "monument" to represent the trial God brought us through this year.  You see, in the Old Testament, people would built monuments to rememember when God met them somewhere, or to remind them what God did for them.  And I never wanted to forget God's deliverance for us.  So, after asking God all day what that should look like in our lives, I felt like He told me to plant a tree.  Just like the verse talks about.  And each time in our marriage, when God delivers us through a trial, we will plant a tree.

So this weekend, we planted our first tree as a married couple!

Our friends, Rick and Steph, live on a dairy farm out in the country.  So Saturday morning they had us over for the most amazing breakfast.  We are talking steak, eggs, tons of fruit, etc!  Caleb was more than trilled and such a happy man! :)

Then we went outside to plant an apple tree.  Little did we how smart we were to ask them if we could do it at their place!  Rick has planted many fruit trees at their house.  They had the perfect place for it, even with a drip line to water it!  And since Caleb still isn't quite strong enough to use a shovel, Rick even did the work for us! haha! :)  We are just soooo thankful to them!

Being out at their house was such a fun time.  We loved spending time with their family...wow, their little kiddos made Caleb want to have kids! They are an amazing family.  And we are blessed that they are our friends.  They, along with our other family at Hillside, have meant the world to us this year.

Caleb has been saying he is thankful for summer to be here.  And it was even more symbolic that the day we planted our tree, seemed to be the first really hot day of our year.  He has said this last fall is when he fell.  The winter was during the time when he was down.  All spring he has been healing and getting better slowly.  And summer we expect him to really come back to full strength. 

We left their house at peace.  The drive home was beautiful.  The sun was shining, the wind was blowing through our windows, we held hands as we listened to country music.

And we are expectant.  And as the tree grows, we are hopeful.  And we never want to forget.  When our future kids grow up we want to take them back there, to play with Rick and Steph's kids.  And we will tell them that our first year of marriage was scary.  But God was with us.  We gained our strength and life from Him.  He provided friends to help us, and He loved us through them.  He provided in miraculous ways for us financially.  And when the church family prayed, the flare-ups stopped.  What an awesome God!  And we will tell our future kids one day, that we are so thankful that the trials brought Caleb and I closer to each other.  We needed to link arms and be teammates through this last year.  We trust each other, and God, more a result.

So bring on the summer...we are ready for it!  (And as the sun shines, we pray we will never forget!)