We needed you, so thank you....

People always say that women tell their hairstylist everything...and it is SO true!  I speak as the person coming from behind the chair.  I cannot tell you what an honor it is to be the recipient of people who are willing to entrust me with what is going on in their life.  Throughout the last eight years I have often said that it if you are able to reach the heart of a person, where their scars are the deepest, then you will know how to love them the best.

The question then....do we let people see the scars in our lives?  And do we allow them to help us out? Do we allow people to love us were we hurt?

It's interesting....I have noticed a trend.  And I think I am on to something, if I can say so myself, although it is probably nothing too profound. :)  I see so many people walking around life pretending they have it all together...maybe even hoping it is true.  They are fixing themselves up so they look all put together, they talk up their life, they pursue so many big things...and yet so many people (although they look like they are thriving) are lonely, scared, or uncertain....just like the rest of us.  So many people are walking around showing one thing to the world, yet when it comes to their heart, it is a different story.

I am just realizing with more awareness how important it is that we have somebody to be authentic with...to be real about our questions, struggles, trials.  I am not talking about finding friends and complaining and having a self-pity party...that won't make friends.  But I am talking about being real.  And being okay to not have it "all together."

And this year I have been reminded how much we ALL need to be loved.  We all need to be known.  We all need to believed in.  We all need an advocate.  We all need to be supported, listened to, and cared for. I myself need these things. 

The tricky thing for me is that throughout the years I had become very comfortable being the one to serve and listen to and help other people.  And recently I have been learning that it is a very humbling thing to be at the end of your strength and resources...and it is incredibly humbling to get to the point where you let people know your true struggles, and accept help from those around you.

So I am learning this year....we all need each other.

The crazy thing is that I didn't even realize I had fallen into the whole American mentality that I should be self-sufficient and independent.  I thrive in community.  And oh how I love people!  And I love helping people out.  But I have recently realized that I have thrived in being the one giving help, not receiving. 

I truly believe that over the years I have served others from a pure heart, out of brokenness.  I have not done it to be seen by others.  I haven't done it to get a pat on my back.  I have not done it to get something in return.

But when Caleb and I have been at our "end" this last fall, we were loved on by so many people.  From being prayed over at church and by so many people, to receiving help financially, to the calls and offers for help, to meals being delivered...the list goes on.  We truly needed others in our life....and these friends have come through and beyond!  And, wow, are we humbled.

I think so many people are walking around, pressures of life weighing them down, to scared to share what is really going on...and they are lonely.  I cannot imagine going through some of the things we have gone through in life alone.

And this is where my own lesson of humility comes in.  I don't like to write it.  In fact, it is super scary to put out there! But, it was only a couple months ago I remember telling the Lord that it is amazing how different I felt going through my days knowing I was dependent on God and those who love me.  It felt really different to be the one that needed help.  But I told Him that I was realizing I was still the same person, none-the-less, that was giving help not long before!  We are all the same, no matter where we fall in the matter.  And my value did not lie in where I was self-sufficient or not...my value was the same.  And today, as Caleb and I are in a "better" spot again, I am still the same person now, as we are in a better place to help others again.  I am no better giving or receiving.  But I realize in a new and fresh way we all need each other.

So thank you to so many of you, especially our church family at Hillside Fellowship, who have done so much.  It has not gone unnoticed or unappreciated!  We literally could not have got through this season without you!!!  We love you.  And for each of our friends and family....we are eager to serve you.

Living for THE moment....

Have you ever been somewhere, and for just a moment, it seemed like time stood still?  Or it seemed like time really didn't matter?  Perhaps it was overlooking the ocean, as you watched a magnificent sunset.   Perhaps it was holding a loved one who was dying.  Or else maybe it was like my morning today.  It was an ordinary day, in a way.  But with a dusting of snow outside, it made for a beautiful backdrop, to a morning where Caleb and I got to read our Bibles together in silence.  This morning was a gift really.

Life is made up of many moments.  One moment after another moment after another moment.

And I am realizing each of these moments really do matter.  Each moment we live our lives is an investment.

A good friend of mine came into the salon yesterday and it turned into a pretty deep conversation.  She was talking about how recently she had been thinking of how deceitful sin can be, as we allow it to make its way into our lives.  It can be gradual at first, one "little" compromise...and before you know it, what seemed "okay" one moment, all of a sudden creates a huge mess of ugliness in our lives.  And the next thing you know, the next moment of your life is so overwhelming and devastating.


My first thought was that I completely agreed with her.  I know from  my own life, and from talking to so many people every single day, that sin (in the moment) seems great...we justify it at that moment, or just give in to it, or ignore it for the time.  There are many times we just let sin in because, for that moment, it is the most comfortable thing to do.

Even Moses, in the Bible, came face to face with this dilemma of if he should live for the moment or not.  It says in  Hebrews 11 that "By faith Moses, when he had grown up, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh's daughter; choosing rather to endure ill-treatment with the people of God, than to enjoy the passing pleasures of sin; considering the reproach of Christ greater riches than the treasures of Egypt; for he was looking to the reward."   This passages teaches me a couple of things.  It says that sin is pleasurable.  And it also says that it is only pleasurable for a short time...the pleasure is passing.  But the other thing it teaches me is that I can take Moses' example...Moses had the right focus, in the moment of decision, in that he looked forward to a moment that was not yet.

And here is the real lesson I think I am learning.

We have a choice.  We can invest our moments in the temporal or the eternal.

Scripture tells us that the day IS coming.  The moment will be here, and we do not know exactly when that moment is...when JESUS WILL APPEAR.  He is coming.  All of history is pointing to that moment.  He is coming again.  And everything will be laid bare.  He is going to come to rescue, judge, and make everything right.  He will rescue those that are His from the suffering of this world.  He will judge those who do not know Him and love Him.  And all the of the ugly suffering and sin and ick in this world will be done away with.  No more tears.  No more heartbreak.  No more bad relationships.  You name it.  But He is coming and, wow, that will be the moment of all moments!!!  It will by far surpass the beautiful sunsets and majestic mountains I have seen with my own eyes.

The question we need to be asking ourselves is which moment are we living for?

Are we living for the present moment or are we living for that one incredible moment that is to come?

Sometimes, like my quiet morning today, it is so easy to keep my mind focused on the eternal.  It is times like that when it is easy to say I am living for the day I see Jesus.  But other times, it is so much harder to remember that truth, and it is easy to give into sin.  In Scripture we often see that the motivation to keep us from sin should be that Jesus IS coming back.  And we WILL see Him.  And we WILL give an account of our lives to Him. 1Johnn 3:2-3 says "We know that when He appears, we shall be like Him, because we shall see Him just as He is.  And everyone who has this hope fixed on Him purifies himself, just as He is pure."

I pray I find the beautiful balance of enjoying the moments God has given me, and to live each moment investing in the eternal, as I await the final moment I have been waiting for.  At that moment, all the world will know and see Jesus, the One I love, the One that loves me, the One who will appear and save me.

It will be the moment we have all been waiting for......and I pray living for.

Loving Love...

Being that it is it our first Valentine's Day as a married couple, I got out our wedding vows to look over again....and I thought it would be neat to share them.  Oh how I love celebrating love!!! :)

I, Julie, take you Caleb, to be my husband, with assurance that God made us for one another.

I promise to be faithful to you always, in mind, body, and spirit.

I will be committed to you through the joys and sorrows of life, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health.

I will care for you, encourage you, and challenge you to be all the man God has created you to be.

I will try daily to reflect on your unique value and worth, in God's eyes and in my eyes.

I promise to train up our children in the way they should go.  When I rise up, when I sit down, and when I walk by the way, I will show them and teach them Who Jesus is.

I will do all I can, daily, to not only teach them, but to model to them, and to you, the love of God.

I promise to love, honor, and respect you, to do you good and not evil, all the days of our lives.

I will never leave you, nor forsake you.

I am yours for as long as God gives us both life.

I, Caleb, promise to you, Julie, to love you.

I will always protect you,

always trust you,

always hope in you,

and always persevere for you.

I will always be faithful to you,

forsaking all others.

Before God, I choose you to be my wife,

to have and to hold from this day forward,

for better or for worse, 

for richer or for poorer, 

in sickness and in health, 

to love and to cherish,

as long as we both shall live.

Simple, Complex, Simple

I just love relaxing Sunday afternoons!  All Caleb and I had on our agenda yesterday was to read, clean, and relax.  It's those type of days that we cherish the simplicity of our lives.  And with time to just think, I thought a little bit more of something that was said at church earlier in the day.

It was said that we go from simple concepts in our thinking, to complex, and back again to simple.  To explain this, the example that was given, was from the song many of us sang as children that said "Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so..."  Children just take that truth and believe it.  Then, with age, life seems to get a little more complex.  And somehow during that time, it gets harder to believe, when tough times come and you realize how much you don't deserve His love.  But the thing is, somehow as more time goes on, you make it through and you are back to resting in the fact that "Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so"...and it somehow becomes a simple, yet profound, truth again.

I have found this so true in my life.

I remember when I was a little kid I didn't have a care in the world.  Life was so simple.  In fact, I remember one day I was bored and my mom told me I should go outside and water our plants.   It was a beautiful, hot, sunny day and I enjoyed just being outside by myself.  If I remember right, I got bored watering the plants after watering just one tree.  So I decided to just wander around the yard a little bit.  I remember the simple thought going through my head that God was with me wherever I went.  And I remember stopping and hugging and kissing the air in front of me, concluding that since God was everywhere, that if I hugged and kissed the air that I would be hugging and kissing God.  After that day, for years to come, whenever I was done praying by myself, I would hug and kiss the air, wanting to express my love to God.

That is until the horrible day came that I learned the story of Judas betraying Jesus with a kiss.  I didn't understand at that age how it betrayed Him, or even what "betraying" somebody was....so instead I thought it meant that kissing Jesus was bad.  So I went into my room and cried, thinking I hurt God's feelings when I would hug and kiss him.  By that time it had become a habit, and sometimes I wouldn't think about it and would do it again when I finished praying, and then would cry and tell God again that I was sorry.

Somehow during that time I started transitioning from simple to complex.  I had always simply believed that God was with me everywhere I went and he loved me so much.  Then, as I got older, different things started making it a little more difficult to rest in that fact.  Everything from realizing the sin in my life, along with guilt and shame...to not having the feelings and emotions at times that seemed like they should be there, if the things I had believed of God were true... and even to studying God's Word and pondering and discussing the in-depth mysteries of God (even things that were good in themselves!) made me step away from the simplicity of what I knew!  But I have to say it is good to go through those complex times...I am thankful for those confusing routes God led me on, because of what I experienced, processed, and learned through them all!

The thing is, I feel like I have come back again to the simple.  Somehow when you get past your own failures and mistakes, you appreciate the simple truth that God is gracious, forgiving, and loving.  All things I had believed before...but now I have experienced them a little deeper.  Additionally, losing countless loved ones was incredibly scary and lonely.   But it was during that time that I was dependent on the truth that God was all powerful and God was all loving.  Although my feelings didn't seem to line up at the time, they would later come again.  For a time life seemed so complex, with it's difficulties, that sometimes I didn't know what to feel or believe. And life was complex even through the years as I have studied Scripture.  Sometimes things seem so clear as I read, and even easy to believe.  Other times, it is so hard to figure out what God is doing, what is accurate, and Who God is. But it is good to wrestle through some tough stuff, even in our theology...because we come to know God better through it and it keeps us from being led astray.

But in the end it comes back down to God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.  He does not waver through the ups and downs of our life, through our questions in life, or even when our emotions waver.  The thing is we need to keep focused on Him.

I think this is why I love surrounding myself with people older than me.  Some of my dearest friends have been twice my age.  They have gone through so much in life and it gives me such reassurance to talk to them.

I think this is why I loved my Grandma so much.  If I were to go to her and share what questions I had, or concerns, she didn't always have the most articulate words to say.  Her words may not even have sounded profound to the scholars.  But there was more truth in what she shared, in that she had always directed me back to the simple truth.  "You will be okay.  God knows what He is doing.  He is with you always.  He is powerful.  He loves you."  And she spoke these words with authority because she had gone through the process herself so many times....simple, to complex, to simple again, to complex, to again simple....each time experiencing God in a deeper way. 

All of the stages are good...when they direct  us to Christ.  But how refreshing to be a place, today at least, when I feel like I am resting in the simple truth that Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so.

And just a little warning....if you see me hugging and kissing the air, don't be alarmed.  I may just take up that habit again! hahahaha! :)

My grandma and I :) Love.

Remember Nhu

Earlier this week I took a day off from work, and had my dear friend Megan came over, to have some girl time before she leaves for Thailand this Monday.  I cannot begin to say how excited (and proud) I am of her, as she leaves to serve the organization that is so dear to my heart, Remember Nhu!  It has got me thinking of so many things, that I decided to try to get my thoughts of paper, to help clear my head.

After I saw her, I went back and reread the notes to a speech I made this last October.  It was at a banquet, here in Portland, where we raised almost a quarter million dollars....and every single dollar has been directly given to help rescue children that are at risk of being put in the sex trade!  The following gives the general idea of what I shared.....

"I held G***'s hand as we walked up to an area by the Mekong River. She was my new friend from the home in Phnom Penh, Cambodia. We had come to get a glimpse of what life was like for these girls before Remember Nhu gave them a new home. I knew this was going to be interesting in that I had just spent days with these girls and it was hard to imagine them growing up anywhere else. They were joyful, well-adjusted, and vibrant girls who sang everywhere they went. It was obvious they felt safe in their home, and were loved and cared for deeply.

When we made our way to the riverbank, I was astounded. The smell and sight of the filth and garbage cannot be captured in a mere photo. These people wash, eat, and use the same water as their restroom. I observed my surroundings, as the kids flocked around us, as we handed out oranges and apples. These precious children have so many dangers. First, and obviously, the physical risks of sickness, disease and starvation. Secondly, there is the definite risk of being sold into the sex trade. We only saw very young kids, younger than about 12 years old, because all of the other children had probably been sold by their families, to earn money to supply themselves the bare necessities.

When were were out of fruit, I went around the corner to take more pictures, trying to capture the vision in front of me. While I was snapping shots, a song caught my attention. A Justin Timberlake song that said, “I am bringing sexy back...” started playing loudly and I turned around to see what was going on behind me. There, right in front of me, was a young girl, probably 9 years old, who we had just gave fruit to. She had set down her food and now her leg was seductively up on a picnic table and she danced in front of a group of men. I wanted to vomit. There was part of me who wanted to go snatch the girl up and take her with me. But instead, I nauseously ran back to my group...The image I had just witnessed haunting me as we drove back to the girl's home.

Yet, I was amazed. It could only be the work of God to rescue these children from the depravity, corruption, and poverty that I just witnessed with my own eyes. And it could only be the work of His Spirit to breath the life and joy that radiated out of each of the children of Remember Nhu. As we drove back, G*** clung to my arm. As she did, she starting singing. She was singing a song that I myself had sung as a little girl her age. She sangs the words “I have decided to follow Jesus. I have to decided to follow Jesus. I have decided to follow Jesus. No turning back. No turning back. This world behind me, The cross before me. This world behind me, The cross before me. This world behind me, The cross before me. No turning back. No turning back.” That day, G*** was evidence of the impact that Remember Nhu is making, through Carl and Laurie's love and dedication. She didn't have to the go back to the depravity and risks of the world she once lived in. She didn't have to go back to a world full of sin, fear, and risk of the sex trade. Instead, G***, was now provided with the opportunity to live in a home where she would experience a childhood a little more similar to the one I had...a childhood where I had felt love, peace, and safety.

My prayer is that tonight you will no longer have a disconnect between the statistics that seem almost incomprehensible to us here in America. 7 out of 10 girls along the Mekong river are sold into sex slavery. Many people don't like to think about it; many would rather pretend that nothing like this would ever happen to harm helpless little children. But the truth is that it does, and there is no denying it.

These children's faces are etched in my memory forever. Their stories inspire me. Their love gives me a greater vision of what I know of God. And the dream of Remember Nhu gives me a clearer picture of what it looks to love the orphan- and to be the hands of Jesus to rescue those who are afraid, weak, helpless, and in need of saving.

I ask you to think of our own children and recognize it is only by the grace of God Himself that our children are not at risk as these dear ones. As my husband and I dream of the family we want to start, my hope would be that if anything would threaten to steal my own daughter's innocence, childhood, or even life, that you would have the heart to intervene. I would plead with you. So, tonight, I plead with you, on behalf of countless mothers and young children, across the world, whose cry for help is only heard audibly by God Himself. Please bridge the disconnect of those statistics, and be the answer to their prayers."

Some of the children along the river

Handing out fruit to the kiddos

Housing along the Mekong River

There are so many ways you can get involved and help support Remember Nhu.  Please watch this video that explains the impact they are making.  http://remembernhu.org/media/motion/videos/

My dear sister, Nhu, and I....sisters forever!

Calming of the Storm

Dare I say that I think we are coming out, to the other side, of our difficulties this year?!?!......Wow, even writing it almost makes me scared that I am getting ahead of myself!  :)

I cannot believe all the things we have gone through in the last year...particularly the last four months.  Don't get me wrong...so many people have it so much worse than we do.  Seriously.  But, if I am being perfectly honest...lets just say there have been a ton of pressures we have had to deal with.  But we are expectant of seeing an end to it all.  It is such a relief to feel like I am taking deep breaths, and breathing again! :)

I was talking to a friend of mine who has had some recent unexpected changes in her life that are causing incredible amounts of stress.  There are so many uncertainties she faces with finances, health, relationships, her role in life, etc.  I am sure we all can relate to some degree.  As I was listening to her story, I thought of a lesson I have carried with me these last four months and thought it would be worth jotting down, so I won't forget it...and, really, I just hope to encourage anybody who needs it along the way.

Our life this last fall was, to say the least, stressful and emotional.  To see my husband have a swollen elbow, that jumped to his hand (which turned purple and cold and he couldn't move), to jump to his knee preventing him from walking....well, lets just say it was so scary.  Caleb is my strong husband...he is my Rambo.  But these last months were horribly intense.  To see his body grow so weak, and have no diagnosis, was so scary.  I couldn't sleep....every morning we seemed to wake up with it worse than the day before, and so I was therefore up all night worried what the morning would hold.  Not only that, but I was facing my own biggest fear of having breast cancer (which would later come back negative....Thank you Jesus!).  I was also preparing to speak at a Remember Nhu event, where I would attempt to speak on behalf of countless children around the world, who are at risk of being sold into the sex trade.  That alone was an emotional task.  All to say....well, to put it bluntly... when we entered into the fall season, I was FREAKED OUT.  I was entirely spent.  And I felt out of control.

Little did I know that his flare-ups would be an off and on battle for months ahead, and that I myself would be sick the entire time, well into the winter season.

But God would speak to me through a little devotional book one day.  The lesson I read about, I have carried with me and claimed for myself, these last few months.  And it is neat because I am getting to share it with countless people, as they navigate their way through their own uncertainties of life too.

I have reminded myself many times of the story in the Bible that speaks of the disciples, with Jesus, in the boat.  They had been just cruising along, everything is great.  And then the next thing they know, they are in a major storm.  I am talking winds whipping, waves crashing, they could die, type of storm.  And, as you would expect, they were freaking out.  They were trying to figure out how they could get through the storm and actually survive...although they really couldn't control what was actually taking place.  But what is crazy about the story is that Jesus was asleep at the bottom of the boat.  I can only imagine how alone they felt, and frustrated.  When they needed Him so desperately, He was sleeping.  But here is the beautiful thing......all Jesus had to do was say the word and the storm stopped.  And He did.  And the disciples were okay.  He had not forgotten them.  In fact, He could have stopped the storm when the first wind came.  But, instead, He waiting until the most perfect time to show them His power and be glorified the most.  It would have been such a lesson unlearned had Jesus not waited until the moment He did.  He saved them and He came through for them.  And in reality they were never in control themselves, as much as they tried to be, but Jesus was in control all along. Even in the storm. 

I remember so vividly the day....I was at work, by myself, in front of my hair station....when I told Jesus, "Okay, I am going to trust You to get us through this.  I will trust that You will calm our storm.  Please help us.  We have no other backup. Only You can get us through this."  And I am so glad I did.  To be honest, I had hoped that my surrendering it to Him at that point would mean I had learned the lesson I needed, and He would stop our "storm" quickly....but I would have to wait just a bit longer...and the "storm" would have to get a lot worse, to be honest. 

But....I think we are coming out the other side!!! :)  I seriously would not have guessed one month ago that I would be saying that right now.  While we were in the midst of the storm, it felt like calm would never come.  But it seems to be calming down so much!!  I have recovered from my surgery, and Caleb is walking considerably better!  It will still be a few months before he can go up and down stairs, much less work out (which, if you know him, is so important!).  But we are thankful, so thankful!

This Friday, the 4th of February, will mark 10 months of being married.  And we will be celebrating more than becoming husband and wife...we are celebrating that we have overcome so much together already.  We are truly blessed.  And what is amazing is that so early on in our marriage, we have experienced God working so powerfully together.  We trust each other more, and we trust Jesus more too, than we would have without these trials.

But we still are praying for the calm to remain for a bit....  How appropriate the the sun is out today and the rain has stopped in Portland...for a while at least! :)