Dare I say that I think we are coming out, to the other side, of our difficulties this year?!?!......Wow, even writing it almost makes me scared that I am getting ahead of myself! :)
I cannot believe all the things we have gone through in the last year...particularly the last four months. Don't get me wrong...so many people have it so much worse than we do. Seriously. But, if I am being perfectly honest...lets just say there have been a ton of pressures we have had to deal with. But we are expectant of seeing an end to it all. It is such a relief to feel like I am taking deep breaths, and breathing again! :)
I was talking to a friend of mine who has had some recent unexpected changes in her life that are causing incredible amounts of stress. There are so many uncertainties she faces with finances, health, relationships, her role in life, etc. I am sure we all can relate to some degree. As I was listening to her story, I thought of a lesson I have carried with me these last four months and thought it would be worth jotting down, so I won't forget it...and, really, I just hope to encourage anybody who needs it along the way.
Our life this last fall was, to say the least, stressful and emotional. To see my husband have a swollen elbow, that jumped to his hand (which turned purple and cold and he couldn't move), to jump to his knee preventing him from walking....well, lets just say it was so scary. Caleb is my strong husband...he is my Rambo. But these last months were horribly intense. To see his body grow so weak, and have no diagnosis, was so scary. I couldn't sleep....every morning we seemed to wake up with it worse than the day before, and so I was therefore up all night worried what the morning would hold. Not only that, but I was facing my own biggest fear of having breast cancer (which would later come back negative....Thank you Jesus!). I was also preparing to speak at a Remember Nhu event, where I would attempt to speak on behalf of countless children around the world, who are at risk of being sold into the sex trade. That alone was an emotional task. All to say....well, to put it bluntly... when we entered into the fall season, I was FREAKED OUT. I was entirely spent. And I felt out of control.
Little did I know that his flare-ups would be an off and on battle for months ahead, and that I myself would be sick the entire time, well into the winter season.
But God would speak to me through a little devotional book one day. The lesson I read about, I have carried with me and claimed for myself, these last few months. And it is neat because I am getting to share it with countless people, as they navigate their way through their own uncertainties of life too.
I have reminded myself many times of the story in the Bible that speaks of the disciples, with Jesus, in the boat. They had been just cruising along, everything is great. And then the next thing they know, they are in a major storm. I am talking winds whipping, waves crashing, they could die, type of storm. And, as you would expect, they were freaking out. They were trying to figure out how they could get through the storm and actually survive...although they really couldn't control what was actually taking place. But what is crazy about the story is that Jesus was asleep at the bottom of the boat. I can only imagine how alone they felt, and frustrated. When they needed Him so desperately, He was sleeping. But here is the beautiful thing......all Jesus had to do was say the word and the storm stopped. And He did. And the disciples were okay. He had not forgotten them. In fact, He could have stopped the storm when the first wind came. But, instead, He waiting until the most perfect time to show them His power and be glorified the most. It would have been such a lesson unlearned had Jesus not waited until the moment He did. He saved them and He came through for them. And in reality they were never in control themselves, as much as they tried to be, but Jesus was in control all along. Even in the storm.
I remember so vividly the day....I was at work, by myself, in front of my hair station....when I told Jesus, "Okay, I am going to trust You to get us through this. I will trust that You will calm our storm. Please help us. We have no other backup. Only You can get us through this." And I am so glad I did. To be honest, I had hoped that my surrendering it to Him at that point would mean I had learned the lesson I needed, and He would stop our "storm" quickly....but I would have to wait just a bit longer...and the "storm" would have to get a lot worse, to be honest.
But....I think we are coming out the other side!!! :) I seriously would not have guessed one month ago that I would be saying that right now. While we were in the midst of the storm, it felt like calm would never come. But it seems to be calming down so much!! I have recovered from my surgery, and Caleb is walking considerably better! It will still be a few months before he can go up and down stairs, much less work out (which, if you know him, is so important!). But we are thankful, so thankful!
This Friday, the 4th of February, will mark 10 months of being married. And we will be celebrating more than becoming husband and wife...we are celebrating that we have overcome so much together already. We are truly blessed. And what is amazing is that so early on in our marriage, we have experienced God working so powerfully together. We trust each other more, and we trust Jesus more too, than we would have without these trials.
But we still are praying for the calm to remain for a bit.... How appropriate the the sun is out today and the rain has stopped in Portland...for a while at least! :)
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