It was said that we go from simple concepts in our thinking, to complex, and back again to simple. To explain this, the example that was given, was from the song many of us sang as children that said "Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so..." Children just take that truth and believe it. Then, with age, life seems to get a little more complex. And somehow during that time, it gets harder to believe, when tough times come and you realize how much you don't deserve His love. But the thing is, somehow as more time goes on, you make it through and you are back to resting in the fact that "Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so"...and it somehow becomes a simple, yet profound, truth again.
I have found this so true in my life.
I remember when I was a little kid I didn't have a care in the world. Life was so simple. In fact, I remember one day I was bored and my mom told me I should go outside and water our plants. It was a beautiful, hot, sunny day and I enjoyed just being outside by myself. If I remember right, I got bored watering the plants after watering just one tree. So I decided to just wander around the yard a little bit. I remember the simple thought going through my head that God was with me wherever I went. And I remember stopping and hugging and kissing the air in front of me, concluding that since God was everywhere, that if I hugged and kissed the air that I would be hugging and kissing God. After that day, for years to come, whenever I was done praying by myself, I would hug and kiss the air, wanting to express my love to God.
That is until the horrible day came that I learned the story of Judas betraying Jesus with a kiss. I didn't understand at that age how it betrayed Him, or even what "betraying" somebody was....so instead I thought it meant that kissing Jesus was bad. So I went into my room and cried, thinking I hurt God's feelings when I would hug and kiss him. By that time it had become a habit, and sometimes I wouldn't think about it and would do it again when I finished praying, and then would cry and tell God again that I was sorry.
Somehow during that time I started transitioning from simple to complex. I had always simply believed that God was with me everywhere I went and he loved me so much. Then, as I got older, different things started making it a little more difficult to rest in that fact. Everything from realizing the sin in my life, along with guilt and shame...to not having the feelings and emotions at times that seemed like they should be there, if the things I had believed of God were true... and even to studying God's Word and pondering and discussing the in-depth mysteries of God (even things that were good in themselves!) made me step away from the simplicity of what I knew! But I have to say it is good to go through those complex times...I am thankful for those confusing routes God led me on, because of what I experienced, processed, and learned through them all!
The thing is, I feel like I have come back again to the simple. Somehow when you get past your own failures and mistakes, you appreciate the simple truth that God is gracious, forgiving, and loving. All things I had believed before...but now I have experienced them a little deeper. Additionally, losing countless loved ones was incredibly scary and lonely. But it was during that time that I was dependent on the truth that God was all powerful and God was all loving. Although my feelings didn't seem to line up at the time, they would later come again. For a time life seemed so complex, with it's difficulties, that sometimes I didn't know what to feel or believe. And life was complex even through the years as I have studied Scripture. Sometimes things seem so clear as I read, and even easy to believe. Other times, it is so hard to figure out what God is doing, what is accurate, and Who God is. But it is good to wrestle through some tough stuff, even in our theology...because we come to know God better through it and it keeps us from being led astray.
But in the end it comes back down to God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. He does not waver through the ups and downs of our life, through our questions in life, or even when our emotions waver. The thing is we need to keep focused on Him.
I think this is why I love surrounding myself with people older than me. Some of my dearest friends have been twice my age. They have gone through so much in life and it gives me such reassurance to talk to them.
I think this is why I loved my Grandma so much. If I were to go to her and share what questions I had, or concerns, she didn't always have the most articulate words to say. Her words may not even have sounded profound to the scholars. But there was more truth in what she shared, in that she had always directed me back to the simple truth. "You will be okay. God knows what He is doing. He is with you always. He is powerful. He loves you." And she spoke these words with authority because she had gone through the process herself so many times....simple, to complex, to simple again, to complex, to again simple....each time experiencing God in a deeper way.
All of the stages are good...when they direct us to Christ. But how refreshing to be a place, today at least, when I feel like I am resting in the simple truth that Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so.
And just a little warning....if you see me hugging and kissing the air, don't be alarmed. I may just take up that habit again! hahahaha! :)
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| My grandma and I :) Love. |
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