So, this will not come as a shock to anybody that has known me throughtout the years. I like to plan. I don't like suprises. And I do everything I can to prevent bad things from happening, take precautious measures you might say. The problem has come when I take these qualities of myself, which can actually be good things, a little too extreme...to the point of worry and striving.
When I was single, I used that as an excuse. I would explain and reason my striving away by saying that I needed to be in as much control as possible. I mean, if anything happened to my finances, health, car, work, etc., I didn't have anybody there to catch me. I had to take care of myself. So I did everything in my means to prevent these things from happening. That can actually be a wise thing. But I took it too far...I took it to the point of worrying if I didn't have enough "cushion." My life was terrific, but I could still find something to stress about. I took that responsible attitude way too far...to the point of striving to be in control. And in reality, control is really just an illusion.
I realized this year...well, that sadly I have strived way too much. But I have found that, when you feel completely out of control, as I have this year at times, striving does absolutely ZERO to improve the situation.
Again, no shocker, I know. But somehow it has hit home a lot more for me recently.
I have been excited when those closest to me have said that they see a ton of improvement in this area of my life. I have to say it was not my own doing...rather, God pretty much allowed me to come to an end of myself, when I didn't have control, to teach me. I had absoluty zero control, came to an end of myself, and guess what...God came through, and I was totally fine. The things I stressed so much about preventing from happening actually did happen. And I am okay. :)
He taught me that I can trust Him to take care of me.
He taught me that He is "I AM"..He is in the present moment, with me, near. As a friend of mine, Jan, explained to me not long ago, we stress when we think back to our pasts...it can fill us with sorrow or worry of the future. We stress when we look into the future...that is so uncertain and unknown. But God is in the moment today, and when we look at our lives for today in this moment, we are okay. And that is what matters. He needs to be our focus each moment.
He taught me that I can have complete faith in Him.
Because I have concluded that life is just one big learning lesson, I want to make sure I don't forget these things! And as the opportunity comes up to "strive" to "control" again, I pray I will resist that temptation, and instead choose to be at peace in faith.
After I had been processing these thoughts for a while, I ran into a quote from a book that has made a huge impact on my life over the years. It speaks almost exactly when I have been saying recently. I want to share an little portion from it. The book is called "True Discipleship" by William MacDonald. I highly recommend it...it is really straight to the point, and a quick read. When speaking on faith William MacDonald writes,
"Faith is opposed to sight. Paul reminded us that 'we walk by faith and not by sight' (2 Corinthians 5:7). To walk by sight means to have visible means of support, to have adequate reserves for the future, to employ human cleverness in insuring against unseen risks. The walk of faith is the very opposite; it is a moment by moment reliance on God alone. It is a perpetual crisis of dependence on the Lord. The flesh shrinks from a position of complete dependence on an unseen God. It seeks to provide a cushion again possible losses. If it cannot see where it is going, it is apt to suffer complete nervous collapse. But faith steps forward in obedience to the Word of God, rises above circumstances, and trusts the Lord for the supply of all needs.
Any disciple who determines to walk by faith can be sure his faith will be tested. Sooner or later, he will be brought to an end of his human resources."
So when all is said and done, I know God knows my future. And He is my constant companion. He knows what is ahead, and is preparing me for it now. But for today, my deep desire is to stop striving and know that He is God. (Psalm 46:10)
No comments:
Post a Comment