Patience in Affliction

I remember, back on October 3rd, the sadness and disappointment I felt when Caleb reflared for the first time since the previous January.  The weekend before had been a celebration.  Things were going well from us....everything from talk of promotions at Caleb's job...to the fact that we were anticipating getting the "okay" from the dr. to try to have a family, being that Caleb had been off his meds long enough (which the meds had prevented us from doing so before).  I remember him being like a giddy little boy and I asked him about it.  He said in effect, "You know there are few times in my life that I have known with this assurance that we are exactly and completely in the place God wants us right now.  That just makes me jacked up!"

Well, a couple days later we would go to the dr and get the okay!  We were thrilled!  We planned a date night the following night to go see the movie "Courageous" that had just come out....which, appropriately, was on fatherhood.  But upon going into the theatre, the day after we were told we could start trying to have kids, Caleb mentioned that his hip was a little stiff.  That concerned me so much.  In fact, I couldn't relax during the movie cause that just didn't seem right to me. 

And I was right.....that hip began to flare.  By the next day he was in quite a bit of pain.  And so began the downhill spiral of his health that brings us where we are today.

There are just so many unknown in our life right now.  And we really are grieving.  The doctors still don't really know what is going on.  So that means, we really don't know how to dream about our future.  We are grieving the loss of Caleb's mobility.  Caleb is grieving the fact that who knows when (if) he will walk again.  I am grieving and so heartbroken seeing my husband in pain like I have never seen before.  Tears fall as I write all of this.

But we are clinging on to Romans 12:12.  I remember driving the day that Caleb flared, knowing we had no clue how bad it would get.  But I remember this verse going through my mind over and over again, and I remember sharing it with people.  "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."  I don't know if I ever told Caleb about it much.  And as time, and months, went on, to be honest I stopped thinking about the verse.  That is until one day, in January, Caleb decided to start memorizing it.  And now, since then, Caleb recites it to me (as well as many other verses he has been memorizing) as we go to bed, before we pray.

We want this verse to be true of our lives.  It is hard though.  We don't know how to hope sometimes.  And sometimes we feel like we don't even know how to pray anymore.  But we do....we are determined to persevere.  But I feel like we are in the season of being patient in affliction.  It has been so hard.....especially when I am up trying to calm my husband's painful body down, as he hits his head against the back of a chair and pulls his hair as he moans from pain....for hours upon hours.  It breaks my heart.  There are no words that express the heartbreak.

So we are praying for answers, healing, and peace.  Caleb told me the day before it got worse that he is praying he learns now the lessons that God intends to teach him so that he doesn't forget after we are out of this season.  I am so proud of Caleb's faithfulness through this...he is helping me.

I know there are so many people who are suffering now.  At my small church alone, I know of in particular two families whose family member have life threatening conditions.  I know of multiple friends who are grieving loss of dreams and relationships.  There is so much heartbreak.

But there is hope.  So somehow I am trying to trust and rest.

Paul said to the people in Philippi, that he learned the secret of being content in all situations and it was that he did all thing through Christ who strengthened him.  So with the little energy that we have, we are using it to trust Jesus and rely on His strength.  I don't think I have quite learned that lesson yet, although I think in the past I thought I knew all about it.

But we keep going.  And for today, we are thankful that the pain meds kicked in.  Caleb, for the first time in months, got over 7 hours of sleep last night (thanks to the pain meds)!  He is taking a nap already today in the other room...and it is is barely 9am!  So we are thankful for relief of pain.

And as we go in to yet more dr appts, and testing in the week ahead, we ask that you pray with us that we stay patient in this affliction...and that we are joyful in hope and learn what that means.

And we want to say "THANK YOU" so much to those who are staying faithful in prayer on our behalf.  God's timing isn't our timing....and this has not gone quite as we had hoped at this point....but we trust that all of our prayers are being heard and are effective.  So keep 'em coming!

Thanks to all of you who are surrounding us with love, prayers, support, and encouragement........