I can say that I have faced many deep sorrows in my life. That being said, I have to say that one of the most difficult times in my life was dealing with being single until I was 30. Don't get me wrong, I understand for each person over 30, they only wish they had been married at 30. Each year gets lonelier and lonelier. But I cried so many lonely tears, for so many lonely years. Anyhow, I wrote a letter to my friend who is single this morning. I re-wrote some of it to protect her ambiguity. But this gives the general idea. I do not forget the heartache I felt being single, and wanting to be married, and hopes this encourages some singles who may read this.....
To my dear friend,
It's is kinda crazy. Over the years I have made an observation. I can have a client who is suffereing from an illness, or losing somebody very close to them to an illness, but what do they talk most about, inspite of the heartache they are suffering from? Love. Relationship. Boys. And I have been the one who has gone overseas to serve and seen God do big things. But in the end, during those days, what did most conversations revert to at some point? Love. Relationship. Boys. And, as you very well know, you can pick up and go around the world, in an area that is poverty stricken, and what do the girls there talk about? Love. Relationship. Boys. :)
In the end, as women, we are all the same. Matters of the heart seem most important to us. :) God made us for relationship. But, in a way, now that I have been married over a year, I can look back and see more clearly some things I probably knew at the time, but couldn't articulate. So I mainly wanted to share them with you...Because I think you are great! :)
In reality, I think it is more than the fact that God made us for relationship though. Try to follow me here. Men often find their identity in their work. What I have found working at the salon is that women often find their identity in their relationships. That is why ladies will introduce themselves, not by their profession as men do, but by their role in other's lives. "I am so-n-so's mom, I am so-n-so's sister, friend, mentor, teacher, etc."
This brings me to two thoughts. The role that God made Eve for, at the beginning of time, was to be Adam's helper. I think that is still true today. The struggle comes when, as I was there not too long ago, and you are there now...when there is nobody in front of you that you are called specifically to help in the intimate relationship you are made for. We long to help a man, but when there is no man in front of us that we are called to help, we feel the void and longing.
Which brings me to my second thought. What do we do when this happens? We end up helping others. (Now, don't get me wrong. Not all women actually use their single time serving. But I write this to you, because I can see this in you, as I was once there.) In serving, there can be great satisfaction, and simultaneously great sorrow. I remember once, I was about 28 when I was talking to my cousin. She was telling me about her friend, who was also serving in ministry. And what she said brought tears to my eyes, because I couldn't say it better myself. She said that she realized something. She spent her single days, serving others. Which is such an admirable thing to do. (Scripture talks about how when we are single we have the ability to have an undistracted devotion to God!) But she realized that all these people she helped had photo albums at home with a ton of pictures in it. And in those photo albums, she is in just one of the many photos. The people she served had these lives going on around her. Then there is her. And what is in her photo album? Not the husband and kids that she wanted. It was of all the people he served. While she was just one small picture in theirs, they made up her entire album. And it grieved her. And hearing it grieved me.
And after talking to you the other night, it makes me wonder if you are there or not. If you are similar to how I was, you are sometimes totally content in life and thriving. Then other times, you are just flat out lonely.
But here is what I want to tell you. I am praying that you have perseverence. In those times, you need endurance. Because you, my friend, are really doing a job well done.
There has never been more of a time when I felt like something was wrong with me then when I was single. There were many times that I felt like my friends, mentors, etc. would all over-analyze me, and try to figure out what I was doing wrong, and why I wasn't married. In the end, I just felt like a project to be fixed and like I had no clue what I was doing. And I felt like I was the reason for why my husband wasn't there yet.
In reality, God just hadn't brought him to me. And wow, I am SO THANKFUL that God protected from ending up with somebody other than His best!!
So today I will just simply tell you that I believe for you that he is on his way. The man who God created for you to help is coming. And it will be simply and profoundly beautiful. :)
But in the meantime, you are doing a job well done, my friend. I can see you continue to direct your emotions, loneliness, tears, heartache back to God. You are chosing faith, believing that God is working behind the scenes of your life.
In the meantime, I challenge you with one thing. Because now that I am married, I realize this more clearly having (finally!) come out the otherside. The things that you struggle with now will still absolutely be there (but more apparent) when you are married. I know that this is nothing profound. But a man does not solve all your problems. And having somebody in front of you watching you each day only makes you more aware of your "issues." Trust me. :) So is it worry? Work on it now, because it could effect your marriage later. Is it stiving? Work on it now, cause your husband will want to just relax with you and enjoy you. Etc. You get it. Thankfully we are ALL a work in progress, and there is never an end to growing in our faith and lives. :) So instead of trying to figure out how to find a man, and what you need to do to find him, try to figure out how to be the best wife you can be. Cause that day is coming, I just believe it for you!
So keep on keeping on lady. You are doing good. Don't get caught up in all the distractions around you. Don't settle for "just okay." Because when I look at your life, I see God's fingerprints all over it. And he isn't going to just stop now. He is a good Father, who desires to bless you. You don't have to try to manipulate or convince Him to bless you. He just does. And you won't "earn" a husband by all the things you do for God. He, in His grace, gives them to us not by our doing.
So I will say it again...keep on keeping on. He is coming. You won't be able to figure it out until he comes. So don't try. :) Cause when he comes, you seriously will not have to over-analyze it. You will just know. God will absolutely make it clear. Nobody wants you to know God's will more than He does. Trust me. It will be amazing and beautiful! And trust me, lady, I will be there at your wedding praising God!!!! Cause it will be so awesome. :)
I love you friend. You are one special girl. God wants to bless you. Keep going. Keep the faith. Don't look to the left or the right. And one day you will wake up, by a man's side, and be like "Wow, God is awesome and He knows best!"
All my love to you, praying,
Julie :)
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