Self-protection Injuries

I was talking to my friend Crystal the other day.  I just love that girl.  She was my roommate for a time when I was single. And over the years I have come to truly appreciate her transparency in life.  She is the real thing.  Anyhow, while we were roommates she started to get some foot pain in the ball of her foot.  Well, as the years continued, it only got worse.  I remember a few years ago, it was the second time I ever hung out with Caleb, and I invited Crystal to come on a hike with some of us to see what she thought of this guy I thought was cool, to get her approval.  I just remember her having a lot of pain, even walking, on this hike.  The next year she would be seeing specialists and doctors who gave her no real help.  Some would tell her that she needed to go somewhere else cause they didn’t know what was causing it or how to help.  That is, until not too long ago.

She works for a nearby church, and one of the ladies there kept telling her she needed to see this man who has been able to help a lot of people with various conditions.  He is like a chiropractor, reflexologist, or massage therapist or something,.  Anyhow, when he took a look at her foot, he said, “I think this has nothing to do with your foot.  I think it actually is from a whip last, neck injury.  Were you ever in a car accident?”  She said, “Well, I mean I was in an accident when I was 16, but I healed up and it didn’t bother me after that.”  And continued asking her, “I bet you have a lot of sinus problems, and maybe you wake up with your hands numb.”  She was amazed cause she never thought to mention her hand issue to people before.  He says to her, “You actually never really healed completely, in fact, you have probably been in pain all this time not even realizing it because your body and its muscles will do things to subconsciously protect the painful areas so you won’t feel pain there, but you have been creating a totally different pain and issue in your foot.  These self-protective mechanisms in your body are actually creating more a problem for you.  Although your body thinks it is good.  These self-protective mechanisms are doing you harm.”  She kind of didn’t know what to think of all it.  But  then she told me she was kind of weirded out when he told her, “I can see the areas of pain on your body because there are different signs I see.  Like here….” And he presses on this spot near her shoulder and she told me, “Julie, it was the most awful pain ever.”  And he pressed on another spot on her back, same thing.

So he works on those spots, and after she tells him, “I actually feel like I am able to stand a little better.”  He said, “Yeah, your are standing on your bones and not your muscles for the first time in many years.”  So she gets in her car and starts to drive home, when she realizes that as she comes up to a four way stop, and another car jets out, she realizes her body reacted way more extremely then it should.  She said she realized she was subconsciously contracting all her muscles to protect herself in case something happened, and tensing up all her muscles.  And she realized all these years she was subconsciously doing this, to protect her pain, but in the meantime she was creating a more debilitating and painful problem for herself.

I just think this is such a good analogy of life!  Many of us have experience pain at some point of time in our lives…all different types.  And as a result, we try to heal up form it and move on.  But as we continue in life, and actually know what pain feels like, we subconsciously have our own self-protective mechanisms to protect ourselves from ever feeling pain again….and by doing so, we create a whole other set of issues and problems.

I know for me, I fear losing those I love most.  And as of more recently, I fear something happening to me and all that would mean for my husband.  And I continue to fear unfulfilled dreams.

So, after losing many people in my life, sometimes I can try to take “control” (how in the world do I try to convince myself I am in control, hahahah, but I do….) and if something happens that makes me feel out of control, my tendency is to tense up.  And I get self-protective. I go over all situations in my head of all that could happen, and what I would do if they did happen.  And in reality, most of the time, everything works out just fine.  So my self-protection is to put up walls and also to worry and strips me from joy.

Maybe I haven’t fully healed….

Maybe the pain of many years has caused a worse problem of worrying, and not living life in the moment….

Maybe this pain has prevented me from truly living free and dreaming big about my future….

But here is the deal.  I can’t just make it better.  I know very well, we can’t strive to heal.  In fact, striving slows down the healing process.  We need to stop, and let God heal us.  We need to abide in Christ (to sit in His presence, let Him talk to us, listen to Him, talk to Him, obey Him, and enjoy Him) and He can touch those areas in our life that are broken and hurting.  He can speak truth to us as we read the Bible about all Who He is and all He wants of our lives.  God can really heal us!

Somehow when I just spend regular time with Him, life just seems less complicated.  And life just seems less scary.  And I remember.  And I hope.  And I trust.  And I heal.  And some healing may take some time. 

Sometimes it may not feel good to let Him to work out the painful areas in my life, much like the man who worked on Crystals painful spots, but in the end it is for our good.  It is only as He works on us, and heals us, and we soak up His love, that we can start living the healthy life, the hopeful life, the free life, that He wants of us.  

Oh, I am beginning to think life is just one big lesson.  Each year that goes by I feel like I am just starting to "get it"....but I think that is how all of life will be, as long as I am here. And that is okay, because oh am I glad that God is patient with me....